Stress Control?

So I have this silly subconscious habit that is thoroughly irritating. My subconscious pulls all my stress into the deep unknown, not letting me know what it is that is actually stressing me out, and then to top it off it tricks my conscious mind into thinking that all is well in OZ and the witch is dead. But what really happens is that I become a depressed basket case that freaks out at the drop of a hat and starts a flood of alligator tears or - and my most favorite - I start having anxiety attacks and I hide in my room from the scary outer world.

I have tried many things in my attempt to keep from joining the dark side. I talked to my doctor about it and she said diet and exercise helps but you have to figure out what is stressing you out and fix it. How can I do that reader when my subconscious plays such malicious tricks on me? I read an article about 5 foods that boost your mood - raise your serotonin levels - and they were: whole grains, spinach, bananas, salmon, and water. I think that I do pretty good on all of those EXCEPT the salmon - YUCK! I could do better with the whole grains but beside the point. I run and run. Well as much as you can run 3-4 times a week (okay sometimes 2 times a week) for an hour. The fact is that I hate it. It's like cleaning a toilet. You scrub the stinking smelly thing that all the little boys in your house have dripped on, scrubbing the porcelain bus until your hands ache, just so you can relive the trauma in a week. Never really getting ahead, just doing the same thing over and over. Sure you get a little instant gratification when it shines for five minutes until someone uses it again, but that's it. All the same though, it doesn't matter if you don't like it, you still have to do it. That little tid bit causes me more stress than I actually get rid of by performing the act.

So what do I love to do exercise wise? I love to dance. I think one of the happiest times of my life was when I was taking dance lessons. My mother made bread for my teacher to pay for half my dance classes and I babysat for the other half. It all worked out and I loved it. Yes, there is a but coming. The painfully ironic part to this little Greek tragedy is that I SUCK at it. VERY badly! I watched a video of a recital we had a few years afterward. I looked like a mangled bean pole writhing in the wind. When I kicked my feet they looked like they were two flopping fish caught out of water, struggling for oxygen. My spins and twirls resembled the Leaning Tower of Pisa with a tornado spiralling around it. Grace? In all of my klutzy 31 years I have never been fortunate enough to possess grace. A good look at my scared knees, hands, and elbows will tell you that I was definitely born without my share of the much desired trait. Can I dance without being good at it? Yeah, sure. But where's the satisfaction in that? A couple of my friends have recommended Yoga to me. I'm willing to give it a try. In the comfort of my own home of coarse. I don't need to horrify any onlookers. The whole Grace issue, you know.

I have also tried to submerge myself in my other hobbies. I love to quilt, but it is so expensive that it doesn't occur as often as I would like. Sigh. I have tried to find the time to scrapbook, make cards at least, but I have the same disease that 'Her Royal Highness' has. I love to look at my paper, all the pretty patterns and colors bring joy to my heart. How could I possibly CUT THEM UP? So that means that I have to buy at least 4 of every kind. That can get expensive too. I have a few things lying around that I could paint or sew but with all the things that I have to do in my day none of these things happen very often. Sigh, sigh.

I have thought about not homeschooling. It is one of the only stresses that is painfully obvious to me but I don't know how to get around it. If the home school program that we are using closes it's doors then I think my decision will have been made for me but I feel like I'm offering my children up like lambs to the slaughter. A little melodramatic I know, but that is how I feel. Why should I HAVE to send my children to a place for 6.5 hours a day, five days a week, where they come home and cry almost every day because a teacher yelled at them or made them feel stupid, a kid beat up on them, they didn't get lunch because some kids were being rowdy and they had to spend their lunch time with their head on the lunch table instead of being able to eat, they don't understand a concept and the teacher couldn't explain it to them, or my kids don't learn anything new because the teachers use them to teach all the other kids their school work. And then to make it even better, there is more fighting at home, rude language (verbal and body), negative attitudes, and disrespect. All learned at school. Am I being over protective? Perhaps. I know that if I sent my kids back to school that would let me concentrate more on Princess Buttercup and Hulk - teaching them the things my two older already knew at their ages but I haven't been able to teach them yet because I'm so busy with my two eldest education - and on things like keeping my house clean and organized the way I like it, Family Home Evening lessons, Visiting Teaching, serving my neighbors more, getting my scriptures read every day, etc., etc., etc. But would I be trading one kind of stress (having to teach my children school) with another kind of stress (sending my kids to public school and all the treats that go along with that). Much to think about there.

I have found one sure thing though that does help with my stress and relaxes me. Oddly enough, it's milking Jenny May. Who would have thought, huh? It's nice to go out to the barn and listen to my church music, smell the hay, and sit next to my nice, warm, pretty, hunk of rump roast. She looks at me with her perfectly contented wide eyes, flutters her long lashes, rubs her head against my thigh, and says hello to me every time. Sometimes she will just rest her head on me and sigh. One of my favorite hymns that I listen to every night is Come, come, Ye Saints. A Saint is a follower of Christ. That is what I am. Some of my favorite parts are:
Come, come, ye saints, no toil nor labor fear
But with JOY wend your way.
Why should we mourn or think our lot is hard?
Why should we think to earn a great reward
If we now shun the fight?
Gird up your loins, fresh courage take,
OUR GOD WILL NEVER US FORSAKE!
We'll find the place which God for us prepared
Where none shall come to hurt or make afraid.
And should we die before our journey's through,
Happy day! All is well!
We then are free from toil and sorrow too;
With the just we shall dwell!
All is well, all is well!
Just the music, the night time sounds of all the animals getting ready to settle in, and her, and me. Two girls, hanging out, both knowing what it's like to be milked. We definitely have a camaraderie there that Farmer Bob will never know about. So I am all out of ideas but I will solder on as usual. And I won't even be unhappy about it, I dare say.

Just an odd ball add in real quick. I went to see X-Men. Here are some adjectives. Yummy!, titillating, exciting, morose, addictive, dreamy, eye candy (everyone knows how much I love candy). I think I'm going to have to buy it. Here are some treats from Kamille's blog. Thanks Kamille!!!

SIGH!!!