Random musings...

So, I had surgery last Thursday. I wish I could say it was a boob job (JUST KIDDING! I struggle with the dilemma of whether I should dye the 20 grays protruding so wickedly out of the top of my chestnut head or if I should just let nature rage her vindictive fury on me and try to be happy about it :)). My last pregnancy broke my person in many ways and 3 1/2 years later I'm still broken. Doctor after doctor after doctor later, I finally found one that wanted to go in and look around. So it wasn't a big deal. It wasn't a shocker that they found a broken uterus in their wanderings of my guts. I don't want to trade Hulk in exchange for a working body though, no matter how frustrating it is that I can't do simple things like, run. As funny as that sounds, because I HATE to run, I'd like to do it when I want to, all the same. I am soooo fickle I realize. There are so many things I would like to do; rock climb (see if I can't cure myself of my fear of heights), run a marathon, surf, record an album in a professional studio (vocal/piano, just for myself)...there are many other things in my bucket. ALL of which are on hold til further notice. SIGH! These bodies are such curious things. To have one body be tirelessly exuberant (Farmer Bob :)) and one so very...NOT (mine).
In the mean time I have other things to keep myself occupied. Farmer Bob and I signed up for college classes. I'm a bit intimidated. I haven't gone to college in almost 14 years. Farmer Bob is going for accounting and I am going for...accounting. HANG ON!!! Before..."O...K...Interesting..." comes out of your mouth, just let me say this...
I know it doesn't suit my personality but it's practical and steady employment. I would always be able to find work. AND, I'll keep telling myself this same exact thing while I'm sitting at my desk and having thoughts of gouging my own eyes out with a letter opener and a ball point pen :). Thoughts induced solely from severe boredom and number overload. I'm hoping to eventually work from home (no one should have to witness the whole eye gouging thoughts thing, eek!). There are good possibilities though, for working at home.
I had these glorious thoughts of what I would do after all my children were in school. OH! All the things I could do! But then I took a closer look at myself and discovered that I would truly just like to sit on the couch and read book after book that I've had on my book list for years or write book after book that have been floating around in my head. It would be nice to put all their fragments together, but since I'm not interested in trying to publish, it seems like a waste of time at the present. I need steady work (part time :)) to keep me happy and with all the kids going to school my current part time employment will soon be gone.
While I have been recooperating from the above said procedure, I have been reading my most favorite book EVER! Jane Eyre. Charlotte's character, Helen Burns, is my favorite character in the whole book, I think, because she gives perspective to Jane and always tries to help her be a better person without harshness. In one section, Helen has just been reprimanded by a teacher for something very simple. To Jane the punishment did not fit the crime and she became very angry about it, as she is such a passionate child.
Jane said, "If she struck me with that rod, I should get it from her hand; I should break it under her nose."
Helen replied, "Probably you would do nothing of the sort..."
Jane then says, "It seems disgraceful to be flogged, and to be sent to stand in the middle of a room full of people; and you are such a great girl; I am far younger than you, and I could not bear it."
Then Helen says, which I love, "Yet it would be your duty to bear it, if you could not avoid it. It is weak and silly to say you cannot bear what it is your fate to be required to bear."
I also, most of the time in fact, relate to Jane's inner response, "I heard her with wonder, I could not comprehend this doctrine of endurance; and still less could I understand or sympathize with the forbearance she expressed for her chastiser. Still I felt that Helen Burns considered things by a light invisible to my eyes. I suspected she might be right and I wrong."
So, those are the random musings of my mind whilst I lay here with nothing to do, whether they make sense or not :).