Sunday Epiphany

Can I just say, I LOVE CHURCH!!! Oh ya, it's my blog, I can say whatever. Ha, Ha, Ha. I'm such a funny girl.

My whole day yesterday was really great. I got done milking Jenny May and still had plenty of time to braid my hair, Princess Buttercup's, AND Butterfly Personified's. We all looked very pretty. We got to church a little over 15 minutes early, which hardly ever happens now since Farmer Bob had to start going to early morning meetings and I have to get the kids ready myself. Sometimes it's not very happy. But this time it went great. I was also able to play the piano for Sacrament Meeting. That hardly ever happens and I dearly love it when it does. It really helps me to empty my spiritual cup so I have room for more. I got up and bore my testimony. I really didn't know what I was going to say but I just had to thank all of the people in my ward for everything that they do for us. Ever since Farmer Bob's mom went back home last October I have been soooooooo homesick. Farmer Bob and I almost moved back home because of it. Sadly, the Lord has other ideas for us and I am desperately trying to cope with that. But people in our ward have stepped up to fill this ginormous hole that I feel is in our lives. I am not unhappy. But I think that things could be better if we had those loved ones around us on a more common basis.

Here are the words to one of my favorite songs. This song gives me comfort and makes me think.

Do you ever wonder who you are?
Do you ever wonder as you stare into the stars,
Where you began and how you got this far from home.

Have you ever walked along the shore?
Have you ever seen the water dancing back and forth?
Did you look inside to see if there was more to life?

You will never ever stand alone.
You were never called to bear the burdens on your own.
And where there is fear, love will take control and lead you on.

Well, there's dream taking wing.
There's a voice that wants to sing.
Even in the deepest darkest night.
The torch is raised to the sky
And there are hands that hold it high.
You were born to keep it burning bright.
You were meant to fly,
You were meant to shine,
Child of light.

So the obvious answer to the questions "do you know who you are, do you know where you came from?" can be pretty obvious. 'I lived in heaven a long time ago, it is true. Lived there and loved there with people I know, so did you. Then Heavenly Father presented a beautiful plan all about Jesus and eternal salvation for man.' But what am I doing HERE. Farmer Bob could just as easily be a dairy farmer in Colorado or Utah as he could here. What did Heavenly Father put in me, or Farmer Bob, that He specifically put us here to share? Every time we have asked God if we could go home the answer is always 'No', and this time it was 'Stop asking'. Why did Heavenly Father save me from all the stupid things I did as a teenager? When I look back I can distinctly remember 3 times that I should have been harmed or killed. Why wasn't I? I wasn't following the gospel and I know that I didn't have the Holy Ghost with me as my protector. Why was God so loving to this disobedient child that He took the time to guide me out of the awful maze I made for myself and into the arms of my wonderful Farmer Bob. I have prayed so many times asking Heavenly Father to tell me what He wants me to do here and I still await an answer. Maybe I am expecting something too grand and impressive. I am vain and shallow, this I know and accept.

What I do know is that I am so thankful for my Patriarchal Blessing. I am thankful for 'the water dancing back and forth'. The living water that Christ offers me. I try to look inside every day to find the answers that I seek because I know that there is always more. More for me, more for my family, more service I can do, just...more. I know that I love this gospel more than anything else except my family. I didn't like the feeling of floundering, that is why I came back to where I belong, and I never want to leave again.

All of these things will be brought to my sight sooner or later. I think it's probably going to be later though and I am not very patient. Farmer Bob can attest to that after eating soggy french toast and burned grilled cheese sandwiches. As for right now I try and content myself with distractions and raising my kids. If I can manage that right maybe I'll be satisfied with not knowing everything I want.